My parents are coming over for a late holiday dinner tonight. Which means I should try to wash myself and stop crying at random times because it’ll be more unsettling for them to see that, even though they know I’m depressed as shit right now. Greg is used to me moping Iknow the parents will be a bit weirded out.
I lay in bed for 4 hours this morning, reading Hyperbole and a Half archives and keening quietly into my pillow, blanket, teddy bear. I still have time to get myself half a quarter decent.
I know I shouldn’t be isolating myself and being a giant worthless sack of poop bit it just doesn’t feel right at all right now. Feeling right would be having 2 warm kittens when we fall asleep, having 2 kittens meowing for dinner, having 2 kittens, period. And any time I’m not at home wishing He’ll be here is time I’m thinking he should be here. And it doesn’t feel right laughing and enjoying life and outside. Things just aren’t right at home, or inside of me now.

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