So I sometimes go to my parents to help clean and tidy…I called my mum tonight to tell her we lost our cat and that pain and depression has settled over me like a giant instead of criticising us for letting cat outside, as I expected her to, she offered kind words and assured me he would come home, and listed the reasons why he would. She also didn’t insist on me coming to clean this weekend.
I think she first thought he … Did the “D” word (i don’t  want to say it out loud) but then realized that he was probably just a cat and just ran away for a little while. She said he has the life of luxeury here and how can any cat stay away from that? She understood my crying and said it’s like losing one of your own kids, like something significant and dear to you is gone.
She understood my emotional and physical pain, and wasn’t all doctor-ish as I thought she would be. (She is a doctor and when I describe symptoms to her she usually is ‘take 2 of these with x and you’ll be better’.) (not that she officially looks after me and slips me prescription meds. Just the odd advil and robaxacet, for when little red sister visits).
She suggested walking in a warm bath, applying topical anelgeisics, and checking on with her in a day or two. She’s sure by the weekend he will appear, and talked me down from a becoming-hysterical mess.

Since talking to her and having bf around after work, the pain spasms haven’t been as frequent. The random flashes of lightening and peals of thunder has re-awoken the ‘what if’ monster in me, but knowing that a few people understand my physical and emotional pain helps a lot. He will come back to mum & da and he will be ok. He will be ok.


The pain in my neck/shoulders is just getting worse as the day for a on. 2 aleve, 2 liquid advil and a robax hasn’t helped. Usually aleve takes my pain away, and I consulted one of my friends about why meds weren’t working. She says when you’re highly stressed and deeply depressed pain doesn’t react to medication all that well. I do have more mobility (i can turn my head more to the right now) but when pain hits it brings tears to my eyes and a pitiful wail to my throat. The shorter bursts of pain make me stomp my feet and quickly get up, turning on the spot, trying to stretch the pain out. I don’t want stronger muscle relaxants but if this continues I may need to seek professional help.

Since our cat has gone AWOL my body has started to ache uncontrollably. It doesn’t help little red sister has visited in the past few days. But still, an ache that started Wednesday in my shoulder and neck has expanded to a full-fledged deeply sore ache which makes me unable to turn my head at all. Even at rest I need to support my head with extra pillows. My body needs him home.

Our cat ran away Wednesday night. He’s my little boy.

We figured since our cats are around 1 year old, and it’s spring time, that we’d let the cats outside during the day and bring them in at night. Our older cat, Loki  is terrified of most things outside. Bru, the one who ram away, is slightly nervy around people but loves his cuddle time. Which makes him being gone harder to deal with. He should be in my lap purring like crazy and meowing and readjusting when I stop petting him.
We have canvassed the neighbourhood. I am making flyers. Every time we feed Loki we clink
their food bowls around outside for 10 minutes. We have walked and driven around, calling his name incessantly. M heart just breaks when I’m looking for him. I want my little boy. I just want him home.